Stand up to cancer day

Today is a nationwide fundraising event called stand up to cancer. Their aim is to raise money to find a cure for all cancers.

Well harry is fightin his own battle and today was his latest visit to Birmingham. Well he must have known what was happening today as he made his own stand against cancer and had a clear visit. No new tumors, naja zilch nothing. This makes it a hat trick. Something he's never managed before for both eyes.

I am so proud of my wee man.

There is always a 'but'

They will not stretch his appointment beyond 5-6wks as there are some areas that concern them and he is not out of the woods yet. Their words, words which have struck a sharp blade right through me. Are they expecting something bad to happen?

But for now I will take a clear visit, and hope my fears will be unfounded.

Was only a matter of time....

Til William broke his glasses. Think its something to do with the fact he has to wear a patch for 2hrs a day to try and speed up the correction of his lazy eye.
He hates the patch like boys hate soap. Who can blame him, but it has to he done.
I'd been putting it on whilst he is at school, another boy wears one so I thought it may help. Plus there's so much close work activity at school it would help him more than at home. He wears his glasses over it.

Well not today, whilst in the car on the way to school a little voice commented "i not be wearing my eye patch today". Oh yes you are I replied. "well my glasses dont work" and turning round I found him holding them with one arm looking like it had multiple spiral fractures (the glasses not William lol)
Aaaarrrggh.
Cheers William.

On a harry note, the health visitor came today for a catch up as shes not seen harry for a while. He was obligingly cute, and now weighs in at a massive 10.8kg. Well massive for harry, still on the tidgy 25th centiles so quite behind kids his own age, but as they say great stuff comes in small packages!

Madeleine is loving school, they have been teaching with phonics which is great for reading but deal for spelling and she is streaking ahead and now reading loads of words. Certainly making I-spy a whole lot easier.

Gotta go, marlene from rainbow trust is here to entertain William.

Harvest and a catch up

My gosh has it really been so long since I posted? Well lets have a catch up.

Harry continues to totter his 2 or 3 steps. He's not got any braver, or maybe its because he cannot really see. Imagine walking round with one eye and that half shut with something stuck in front of it and thats perhaps all Harry can see. He's aware of obstacles to a point once he's learnt a room layout he can get round safely, but thats having the comfort of being on all fours. His hands are in contact with something solid and secure, he doesnt have that when he's on his feet, so no wonder he's a little insecure. He's still my brave little soldier.

It was Matthew and Madeleine's Harvest service today. Each class had a poem and song to sing. (don't worry, there's only 4 classes it being a small village school) and Matthew's kicked off with their poem. Matthew had learnt it word for word. His memory is amazing. His teacher had even commented in his home to school diary how excellent he was at the service. Very proud mamma.
Next came Madeleine and their Oats and Beans and Barley grow. I have been singing that sodding song all week, she had sung it at every breathing opportunity. They were to stand in front of the whole church and perform it with some actions. Now I declared that she wouldnt do it. Just stand there with her fingers in her mouth looking cute. But no, she proved me wrong and sang her heart out and did all the actions too. I was so proud of her, my heart almost popped. Her look of self triumph was amazing too. Now I did take my camera but thanks to William's constant wiggling and wanting to go sit with his siblings I completely forgot to use it. Doh!

Her teacher had been absent the day before due to a family funeral. Madeleine informed me that she had gone to say goodbye to her uncle as he had died.
'Am I going to die mummy?' she asked. Oh Lord, what a question.
'Not til you're at least a hundred I hope darling' I replied.
'What happens when you die?' she asked. Erm, I think its like going to sleep and staying asleep forever I replied. What else do you say to a four year old.
'I don't want to die then' she said 'because I don't like going to bed'!!!!
Now howsthat for turning something sad into something fairly humerous.


I spent a loverly few hours with my sis Rachel on Wednesday having a giggle and a catch up. The only downside was the location was Minor injuries Unit at our hospital. Now already having a dicky knee, she decided to entertain her class of 30 7/8 year olds by falling backwards over a little kiddy chair. They giggled, she too giggled tho she was really wanting to shout 'F@$* that bloody hurt!'
So I took her to the hospital where she was xrayed and prodded and poked and you can catch up on her blog here


And here we are on a wet and windy Friday night. Dan has started his run of nights, shame, so I have the TV and the sofas and the laptop and the bed all to myself. What usually happens, is I get all the kids to bed, settle into a sofa of my choice, put on something to watch, usually the Great British Bake Off, then fall asleep to some ludicrous time with my arm and hand dead and pins and needly.
This weekend is the Rb family weekend to celebrate 25years of Chect (The childhood eye cancer trust) and we're not there. I would have loved to have met the wonderful families I have come across on twitter and facebook, but sadly its not to be this year. It would have been nice to have been with people who are in the same boat as us. To have the same experiences and fears for the future, and I have many fears. It makes you a little neurotic, every ailment, ache, pain makes you start the what-if game and its not just with Harry. I know its irrational, and all my children will grow and achieve great things but whilst you're sheltered in the safety of not living with the evil 'c' word you never have to have these thoughts. So think yourself lucky if you're one of the lucky ones and count your blessings.
I count my blessings everyday. I have four of them, and each one makes my day worthwhile. From the mischievous William, to the ever so grown up Matthew and the sweet eating Madeleine to my happy little monkey Harry. They make me smile every day, and no amount of wind and rain, evil or crapness can stop me counting.
Just don't forget to count yours!

way to go Harry

Harry has taken his first steps. He called 'mmmmmeeeeeyyy' and then walked 5 steps to me. He was so happy, his grin was massive. He triumphantly shouted Yay.
I am so proud. Despite everything my little hero has been through and is still going through he has overcome massive hurdles to reach his development milestones. Ok, he's way behind his peers but by sheer grit and determination he's got there. Well, we've still a long way to go but for now I am amazingly happy.
Harry happy superstar can now freestand and then turn and set off walking when I say 'walk to mummy'. He's becoming braver day by day and letting go more often and 'just' standing there. His siblings are amazed and shout 'look at Harry' as soon as he does it.
So way to go Harry!

trip down memory lane

This was the wonderful place where I spent 7 glorious years, studying, making lifelong friends and having my inner self carved out to set me on my journey into adulthood.
This place was (and still is) Lancaster Girls' Grammar School. The first choice school of any parent (along with the Boys Grammar)and I was lucky enough to pass my 11+ exam with high enough marks to have my place confirmed with approval from my primary headmaster.

I also had a set of footsteps to follow in, older sister Rachel was already making her mark there. My older cousin was there and my fathers sisters had all gone there.
Now LGGS today is massively different from the LGGS I first walked into. Then...
All the teachers wore black gowns, the uniform was absolutely sensible and completely adhered to and the list of do's and don'ts given to your parents was a mile long.
Starting from head to foot,
If your fringe touched your eyebrows it needed clipping back and if your hair touched your collar it had to be tied back. Absolutely no make-up or jewellery (including earrings) was permitted, even at sixth form level.
You had to have a white shirt and sensibly knotted school tie, covered by a navy blue v neck jumper all under the navy blue (and LGGS approved style) blazer.
You then HAD to wear the LGGS style 6 panel navy blue skirt that had to touch the middle of your knee, so that upon kneeling it touched the floor. If it didnt reach the floor it was shockingly too short, gathered on the floor it was too long.
You could then wear navy tights or socks, or white socks (and THAT WAS IT) and your shoes had to be black, completely sensible with no heel or any fashiony bits stuck on.
Your outer coat had to be ONE inch longer than your skirt and only navy blue. You had to wear the school scarf when wearing your outer coat as your blazer badge would not be visible hence any stalking teacher en route to bus stops could tell a grammar school girl from any other.

Ooh how I longed to go to Riply High School where you could choose the colour of your skirt and shirt!

And we learned respect from day one. Whenever a teacher or a sixth former walked into your classroom, you were out of your seat until told to sit back down. Our desks were in single file rows, and you sat in alphabetical order within your form. I was in 'L' form as my surname started with S. There were 3 house groups, J K and L and your surname initial's position in the alphabet determined which house you were in.
You held the door for anyone entering and you stepped into the sides of the corridor should a teacher or sixth former walk by.

Now this was drummed into me so much, that even when I started working for the bank, an ex deputy headmistress (who everyone was both afraid of and in awe of) came along to do her banking I would leap out of her way and hold the doors open. Now she probably had no idea who I was, but I certainly still revered her. Good old Mrs Rigby.

Now this may sound strict, but as we all looked the same and wore the same and were theoretically as clever as each other we all became friends with each other. We were destined to be models of society. All educated to a level capable of securing a place at university. We were regarded as snobs but it didnt matter, we were proud of being part of LGGS.
I was proud to wear that uniform, proud to be paraded on our speech day in front of parents and businesses alike, proud to be a Lancaster Girls' grammar girl. I can still sing our school song and the main hymns that made up our assemblies and can recite several tenses of verbs in latin (that was compulsory for at least a year if you were in the top third of the year)and OK I may not have ended up the straight A student I was capable of being and I didn't go to university as I chose a career in Banking (job probably mine because of having LGGS on my CV) and I wouldn't really say I was a model of society but how I've lived my life is definitely down to the principles I gained from LGGS. I can safely say I can make a papier mache hand puppet, & draw an outline of Lancaster city rooftops (all thanks to Miss Bell) make pineapple upsidedown cake and mixed grill and stuffed trout courtesy of Miss Counsell, and chat to an elderly stranger courtesy of the voluntary but compulsory community service lol

I won't add a recording of me singing the school song as that would be quite terrible but here are the words. No other school in Lancaster has their own song (the boys Grammar didn't either)but I think they have a lovely meaning.

In our small world upon the hill
We live, we live together.
And half forget, that good or ill,
A wider world awaits us still,
And draws us thither.
Yet though in quiet we sojourn,
To know our guiding light we learn,
Our guiding light we learn.

And this alone shall be our light,
The lamp of beauty, truth and right.

Friendship our pathway has prepared
With joy, with joy and laughter.
The binding ties of secrets shared,
Of common tasks, delights compared.
For ever after
Will draw us close when we discern
The light that here we first saw burn,
That here we first saw burn.

And this alone shall be our light,
The lamp of beauty, truth and right.

Then if we part or if we meet,
Yet keep, yet keep we ever,
This thought of strength with which to greet,
Coming of victory, or defeat.
That time shall never
Dim our fair memories, or turn
To darkness light we made to burn,
The light we made to burn.

It shines in darkness, and in light,
The lamp of beauty, truth and right

Ok, now for some reality. Having an older sister at school had its good points and bad points. I was the only first year that work ankle socks year round as I was absolutely not allowed to wear knee socks and be on the same bus as her. I had to walk about 5 feet behind her on the long walk from the bus station up to school. I had to pay everone's fare onto the bus, and asking for 15 returns and handing over 15 lots of 11p's was no fun. I was absolutely not allowed anywhere near her at school as she was a grown up 4th year and I was a lowly 1st year, tho her friends snatched me into their classroom at any opportunity. Now the good points, all my first year friends were in awe that I was allowed into a 4th year classroom (and sixth form as my older cousin was a sixth former then)and i got the low down on some of the teachers an their habits. None of the teachers believed I had an older sister as we looked nothing alike. I think though that the fact we both went to LGGS built our friendship as sisters too. She is absolutely my best friend and my natural choice for childbirth, hospital visits and my brick wall for helping me through Harry's predicament.

I know LGGS is unrecognisable now, the uniform is relaxed, the sixth formers can wear JEANS, YES JEANS, and the school itself has undergone a major facelift and rebuild and none of the teachers are still there but the essence of LGGS remains. Talking now to any pupil you still get the same feeling of pride coming through and I hope it is still there in 6 years time as I would dearly love Madeleine to go.

He's found his feet!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry got to his feet, all by himself, in the middle of the floor and stood for 2 mins before realising and going 'yay' and promptly falling down. He's been cruising round the furniture for a couple of weeks but he's always used a wall, chair etc to stand himself up.
This is amazing, his look of triumph was amazing. I am a very proud mama.

I don't get the 'gosh is he not walking yet' spiel from strangers cause he still looks like a baby, not the size of an average 20mth old. But I don't care what anyone says anyway, because a)its none of their godammed business, b)babies cannot grow, fight cancer and tolerate toxic chemo at the same time, c)babies do not follow instruction manuals, they do it in their own sweet time and d)its none of their godammed business.

Madeleine seems to have settled well into school. She's found some friends and isn't constantly bugging Matthew. Don't think she's the chatterbox of the class. William loves going to pre-school every day. Its really quiet at home now. Even Harry has resorted to shouting just to make it sound more normal lol.

ON the way to school the other day, I explained to Matthew that Madeleine will be starting to stay for lunch from this next week. She's having the same packed lunch/school dinner pattern as Matthew so I asked if he'd keep a watchful eye. I said she's chosen pizza on the day he has fish. He then started off on a great debate on how its absolutely not fair they don't get a choice of pizza toppings. 'Why is it always cheese and tomato?' he asked. Well its so vegetarians can eat it too, probably I said.
'Whats a vegetarian again' he askes. Its someone who chooses not to eat meat for whatever reason I told him. 'What. no barbecue sausages, burgers or sunday tea???' I think I can safely say Matthew will always be a meat eater. Now not to offend vegetarians I apologise for this part of the conversation.
'Meat comes from animals right??' Yes Matthew. Beef comes from cows, pork and bacon and ham from pigs and lamb, well that says it for itself.
'Oh and I love lamb but I don't think I'll eat it anymore' (gulp where's this going) whys that I asked. 'Well cows and pigs are ugly so its okay to eat them but lambs are all bouncy and cute, so its a shame to eat them' But they grow into sheep Matthew.
'Oh yes, well thats all right then, cause sheep are ugly too'

So you're happy not being a vegetarian I asked. 'Absolutely' said Matthew 'and besides they eat with their fingers'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Har har har

DISCLAIMER: I absolutely know that vegetarians do not eat with their fingers and are quite happy using cutlery, I was merely laughing at a childs view on the world.

Oh and Chloe seems to be having the time of her life at Univ, her moms probably gained a few more grey hairs lol

Har Har RB, did you enjoy your kickin??

I knew Harry's trip to Birmingham was going to be fine. Why??
Well to start with the taxi was on time and the M6 was free flowing and stoppage free.
We booked into the hotel and were given a lovely large 'clean' room. A bit much for just me and Harry really.
Getting to the ward on Friday morning, I knew all the families from previous visits, so we could all sit and chat. The baby diagnosed the same day as Harry, is a full 2 months younger, and towers over Harry and is walking. Not needing the chemo obviously hasnt held him back.
Harry went down Number 4, but the first 3 were in and out in no time at all, no treatment needed.
So in went Harry, I was hoping he wouldnt spoil the clear run, but he wasnt going to disappoint. He too was clear. Fandabedozy. Thats now 2 visits on the trot.
In fact the next 2 children were clear too. His consultant was over the moon. This has rarely happened, his poor laser and cryotherapy equipment must have felt a bit sad and unloved lol.

So RB, not only did Harry give you a kickin this time, but so did the other kids too. You may think you're strong but our kids are stronger this time.

Ok so we're back in 4-5 weeks again, but hey bring it on.