Stillbirth... why is it so taboo?

Approximately 3 years ago I came across a wonderful group of people all with babies due at the same time Harry was due. We met on a chat forum for a baby magazine.

We made such good friends we have our own Facebook page and we've been there for each other through thick or thin.

They were amazing support when Harry was diagnosed with cancer, and although we'd never met in person, the bond between us all is unbelievable.

Anyway, I am dedicating this post to a beautiful girl from the group, also called Lisa who sadly, almost a year ago, went through the unbelievable trauma of carrying her beautiful boy to almost full term to find his heart had stopped beating.

We all drummed up love and support as she shared she was going to see the midwife as his movements had reduced, praying he was just being a lazy boy. We were all on tenterhooks until we received the devastating news that none of us were really expecting.

we shared our love and support with her, never really knowing if we were saying the right things but we knew she was going through hell, and was struggling to find a way out. She is still somewhere in the dark depths, I don't believe she will ever escape from it, but hopefully she will find a path that will make her journey a little easier.

Can you imagine having then to go through labour to deliver a perfect but sleeping baby. Never to hear those first cries, the warmth from their breath on your skin, your reward for 9 months of pregnancy and the strain of labour.

Imagine having to go to the registry office and register your baby's birth then immediately his death?

Imagine having to arrange a funeral for your baby?

Imagine life after all this?

Too often people scurry by, heads down not saying anything for fear of hurting their feelings. But this action often hurts more. It seems that the baby never existed, if you don't talk about it, it will go away.

But it doesnt. My situation is different, Harry is alive and well but he still has cancer and people will avoid talking about it for fear of hurting my feelings. But I am happy to talk about it, as is Lisa.

Shea Joseph Leddy was born sleeping. Beautiful and perfect, the image of his older brother with a mop of dark hair. He was real in pregnancy, real in childbirth and real now. Just because he is living with the angels does not mean he never existed. To Lisa and Gerard they became parents of their second son. They were dealt the cruellest of blows when Shea was taken from them, but he was still real, and still is. They will probably never understand why, we can't understand why and our heartache for our dear friend is a mere drop in the ocean of pain she is fighting against. But we are there for her.

I wrote this poem for her, it was just doodling really then it started to take form. I asked if I could share it, as Shea deserves nothing less than to be shared with millions. He would have celebrated his first birthday this month, but whether it would have been his first, or his 60th, the pain of his loss will still be there.

Shea Joseph Leddy born to the angels 23/8/12

A BIRTHDAY IS A TIME FOR HAPPINESS AND JOY
ESPECIALLY THE FIRST ONE OF A PRECIOUS BABY BOY.
BUT SOMEHOW FOR ME THIS CANNOT BE TRUE
ALTHOUGH I AM HAPPY IT IS DIFFERENT FOR YOU.

MY MUMMY AND DADDY YOU WERE CHOSEN ONE DAY
TO CARRY AN ANGEL IN THE MOST SPECIAL WAY.
YOU LOVED ME AND NURTURED ME AND DAILY I GREW
TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY, OF THOSE THERE ARE FEW.

BUT NOT GIVING YOU THE CHANCE TO SEE ME GROW TALL
MAKES PEOPLE QUESTION GOD, IS HE REAL AT ALL?
WHY WOULD A BABY SO PERFECT AND CHERISHED
BE TAKEN AWAY, LEAVING PARENTS HEARTS PERISHED.

BUT DESPITE ALL THIS HEARTACHE AND SADNESS AND PAIN
THERE IS STILL A BEAUTIFUL BABY WHOSE WINGS HE DID GAIN
GOD NEEDS ONLY ANGELS THAT ARE PERFECT AND PURE
AND SHEA JOSEPH LEDDY IS PERFECT THAT’S SURE.

I LOOK DOWN THROUGH THE CLOUDS AND CRY THROUGH THE RAIN
TO SEND YOU MY TEARS, THOSE LITTLE RAINDROPS ON THE PANE
BUT MOSTLY I AM HAPPY AND YOU SEE THIS THROUGH THE SUN,
THOSE HEARTWARMING RAYS, BEAMING DOWN WITH LOVE AND WITH FUN

AT NIGHT WHEN YOU ARE SCARED I LIGHT UP THE NIGHT SKY
THOSE TWINKLING STARS ARE MY TRAIL AS I FLY
THE FLUTTER OF MY WINGS SEND A GENTLE BREEZE
‘I LOVE YOU’ CAN BE HEARD IN THE WHISPER OF THE TREES.

SO MUCH I WISH THAT I COULD HAVE STAYED WITH YOU
AND DAILY YOU QUESTION WHY THAT COULD NOT BE TRUE.
IT’S A QUESTION UNANSWERED FOR NO-ONE REALLY KNOWS WHY
IT WILL NEVER GET EASIER AS THE YEARS WILL PASS BY.

SO EACH YEAR ON MY BIRTHDAY THERE WILL BE LAUGHTER AND TEARS
A CANDLE TO LIGHT, EACH ONE FOR MY YEARS
THAT I LIVE AS AN ANGEL, THOUGH WE ARE APART
THE LOVE BETWEEN US NEVER GONE FROM YOUR HEART

THIS FIRST BIRTHDAY’S SPECIAL, BUT THE HARDEST YOU’LL FACE
A WHOLE YEAR OF YEARNING, THAT MASSIVE EMPTY SPACE
THAT SHOULD BE FILLED BY MY LAUGHTER AND LOVE AND JOY
OF YOUR MUCH WANTED, AND LOVED AND PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY

BUT TO MY MUMMY AND DADDY AND TO MY SPECIAL BIG BROTHER
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND THERE WILL BE NO OTHER
BABY THAT CAN BE LOVED AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE ME
FOR I’M YOUR HANDSOME LITTLE DARLING, YOUR BEAUTIFUL SHEA.