Sunday, 19 August 2012
A double edged sword
My happy little chappie, taken by Hanty Raychel.
A friend on twitter asked how he was doing, this friend is currently recovering from a major removal of 3/4 liver to get rid of cancer. He always asks, but this time a bit of me realised where Harry is at compared to his peers, and I felt a bit sad. All my children were later walkers but by 15mths they were chatting away and all had a massive vocabulary of words. Harry has only just started saying mummy, and has a few more like 'am stuck' 'don't touch' 'whats that/this' but thats about it.
Harry is massively behind, he's only just started cruising along the furniture and wears clothes for a 9-12mth old. And I know you shouldnt compare but when you get people in the street looking amazed when you say he's 19mths old it brings it home.
Its a double edged sword, chemotherapy. At the same time it probably saved his life but hampered his development. I love it and hate it for that reason. I hope he never has to have it again and when you see these poor kids with leukaemia on it for yonks compared to the time Harry was on it it makes you wonder what it is actually doing to them (apart from saving their lives)
But one thing neither chemo or cancer has affected, and that's Harry's happiness and cheeky smile. Even at his lowest point whilst on chemo, he managed to smile. Even when he comes round from the anaesthetic every month he smiles (although I think thats something to do with finally having a huge botle of yummy milky) but whilst cancer has robbed him of perfect eyes and perfect vision, and I hope it doesnt rob him any more than where he is at the moment, it hasnt touched his spirit.
Everyone loves Harry. When we go to Asda, checkout ladies beg us to use their checkout so they can see him. They come and find us so they can have Harry hugs. When one of them finds out how he is getting on with treatment, they tell each other so the next time I visit they come up and be happy/sad depending on what happened and I havent even told them personally.
Cancer isnt a double-edged sword. Its just a normal 2 sided coin. Its gets flipped and ...
You either get cancer or you won't
then if you get cancer and its flipped again..
You either die or you don't.
What isnt that simple is the massive fight and treatment each cancer sufferer goes through to those outcomes. Some are lucky and win their fight, some win their fight but are left with forever scars/afflictions because of their cancer and sadly some do not win their fight.
I used to take cancer for granted, it was something that happened to other people and never really thought that much about it. Spend a little time on an oncology ward and reality hits you like a ton of bricks, sit in front of an oncologist and a consultant while they tell you your child has cancer and reality hits you like all the air has vanished from the atmosphere. Sit by your childs hospital bed watching them struggle for life and reality hits you, really hits you. Living with cancer has to fit in with your way of life, you just get on with it but sometimes you get these reality moments and you realise life's not fair.
My latest reality moment, last night whilst watching some drivel on TV an advert for WaterAid came on. A powerful ad, and asking for money for the poor children who have no choice but to drink dirty water whilst touched me a little also maddened me.
There are so many children (and adults) who have no choice but to fight cancer yet the number of the ads asking for money for cancer charities are non existent compared to the overseas aid. Certain treatment protocols are only available overseas and the sufferer has to raise their own funds to get it. Where are the ads for these??
No child to die is the government message, and whilst its worthy saving a life of a child in Africa, what about saving the life of a child at home. They say charity begins at home....
So Harry's double edged sword, he has deadly cancer but he's alive and happy. Lets hope the cancer side quickly blunts down so it can't hurt him anymore.