Wednesday, 13 February 2013

What will you give up?

Happy first day of Lent. A day when people traditionally give up something for the next forty days. Mine has usually been chocolate. How original!

However, this year I have decided to do something different.

Harry wants to give up cancer for Lent, that to me is unacceptable. I want him to give it up for life. You could think if there was a God, whose message in the Bible is always to protect children, that he would spare these innocent little mites from cancer and its devastation it leaves behind. However, I am not going to start a religious debate, I was just thinking thats all.

Harry amazes me. He has been through so much and yet he still smiles. I am still scowling a week after stubbing my toe lol. All my children amaze me and to be the centre of their affection is amazing. There is nothing nicer than them falling out over who is going to sit on my knee to tell me they love me. Harry has even started pulling at them to try and get them off. He's a proper mummys boy.

So I have decided to give up shouting for Lent. I never mean to shout, its probably 2yrs of built up stress that contributes to it, but when you've asked them a zillion times to get their coat and shoes on your voice does tend to get a bit shouty. I always instantly regret it, seeing their little brows crumple into a frown hits home like a hammer.
So I will give up shouting. I am prepared to ask a zillion and one times now. Maybe I should start talking in whispers so by the time I get to a zillion and one my voice will be loud to them, but my normal voice lol and not technically shouting.

What is amazing that it has been 2 years since Harry's 8wk baby check and I raised my concerns over Harry's lack of making eye contact. I'm not going to dwell on the what-ifs and living in the past. What happened, happened. Harry for some inexplicable reason was picked to be one of the 40 children to be diagnosed with Retinoblastoma in 2011. I cannot change what happened, I wish it had never happened, but it did and we have to deal with it.
Harrys life was saved and the cancer brought under control to a point they can manage any new growths by laser. Each EUA brings the 'I hope there's nothing new and the existing tumors stay in remission' game and thankfully at the moment that is what is happening.
We live for today, I do not know what will happen next month/year and should he need invasive treatment again like chemotherapy then so be it.

So at the moment, I have a wonderful nearly nine year old Matthew, my precious first born. An amazing just turned five year old Madeleine, and my only daughter. My incredible three and a half year old William who makes me laugh every day and my superstar fighter two year old Harry. I am blessed to be their mummy and I count my blessings everyday for each and everyone of them. And I treasure them so much, I am giving up shouting for Lent.

What will you give up?

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