This time last year ...

we were a normal family, okay we knew there was an issue with Harry's eyes and we were just thinking he may be the kid with glasses in school, but life was pretty normal.
I'd argued with the opthalmic dept why he needed such an urgent appointment, but they were just going off the GP's instructions, and Friday 1st April at 2:10pm was agreed.

People often say time's a healer, but its not true, not really. I can still feel that 'sledgehammer in the chest' feeling when we got his diagnosis confirmed, I can still see his weak little poorly face as he endured the nasty chemo, I can still hear his wailing as they forced his feeding tube into him, and I can still see his little pleading eyes everytime I take him into theatre, and I can always feel the label stuck to me as 'the mother of the child with cancer' It doesnt matter how hard you pull at it, it never comes off, and it never will.

What has happened with time is that I've learnt to deal with it better, be the best mummy I can be for all my children, nurture them and help them grow and hopefully set them onto their own little path to successfulness. They did not ask to be born, it is their right to be able to grow and develop to their best potential and to have the best health they can. It is my job to help them do this, so when people say 'We don't know how you do it' its simple, I'm a mummy and I have to, no matter how hard or what hurdles are in place to trip me, I'm a mummy and I have to.

So if you're a mummy who's lucky enough to avoid some of the hurdles I and other mummies with children with cancer face, reflect on what you have and count your blessings, as I would love to be in your shoes. I will re-post 'These Shoes' as its so true x

THESE SHOES

I wear a pair of shoes, they are ugly shoes, uncomfortable shoes
I hate my shoes
Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes, they are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes, to learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a mother who has a child with cancer.